Steve and Anna will recall that I asked about the appropriateness of my profile photo when I first put it up on the predecessor site, A Naturist Family.  I was concerned because it appeared at the time to be the first that showed what we call "full-frontal" nudity.  I can also appreciated Stephen Smith's situation regarding imagery.  Readers of my blog and interview will also recall that I mention a bad experience many years ago with a photograph.  While unpleasant at the time, it actually reinforced my belief that being seen nude was NOT a mortal sin.  As a result, I do not mind being photographed and I will admit to sometimes looking for photo opportunities.

I would be lying if I said I didn't appreciate the images of the pretty ladies that are in some of the albums.  i also appreciate the openess of all of the contributors to the albums.  I also hope that some of my efforts are appreciated by others here at ANW.  It's also a tribute to Steve and Anna that we can have this type of intelligent conversation here at ANW.

I think it is much to do with intention and behaviour. As a big Hitchcock fan - I have seen all of his films apart from the missing The Mountain Eagle - I am brought to mind Rear Window. Hitchcock spoke about action and reaction. Basically James Stewart is peering at everyone through his window. Lonely ladies, popular beauties, naked sunbathers (we don't see them but we know they are there), young lovers, frustrated artists, possible murderers. Our comfort or discomfort of his nosey neighbour policy is based not on what he sees but how he reacts. In some ways it is the ultimate cinema experience. What if sitting viewing a film leads us to trouble. James Stewart is a viewer who gets pulled into the world he is watching. We all do that to a certain extent - we cry, laugh, hide behind the sofa as children. But in Rear Window the image reaches out to Stewart - he is no longer simply a viewer he is part of it. A message that can simply thrill the audience but also reminds us that we should not just watch life go by - we should take part in it and connect with people. 

Anyway back to naturism. We should enjoy seeing people naked and if we don't then we need to wonder - are we still breathing? It is how we enjoy it that matters and how we react. That goes from being seen naked too. 

I have mentioned it before but in case you haven't heard it. The first time I really learnt to consider the possibility of naturism was at around 16 - 18 in Germany, Berlin when on Sunday afternoons extended families would have picnics by lakes - Grandparents, Uncles, Aunts, parents, children, teens and babies. It was a beautiful sight - just wonderful.  As someone very scared of nudity it both frightened me but made me wish I could have grown up that way.  It was thrilling and exciting. I was not attracted to these people but found the picture as a whole attractive. Were individually attractive - I had no idea - it didn't matter - it was the sum of the parts that mattered. Naturism was beautiful - see families so at ease and so comfortable was beautiful - I could have stood and watched for hours - like James Stewart - endlessly fascinated. But of course I casually glanced and walked past each family in their own space as I went on my walk. A walk that had not expected to see such nudity - so my behaviour was not one based on voyeurism - so just as I respected these families - they were not concerned by my clothed existence. As humans we need to be respectful to others - we should not make people uncomfortable if they are doing no harm - and they should not mind us if we are doing no harm. Naturism very much deserves that. 

As a naturist I have always found every aspect of the human body fascinating - shapes, sizes, colours. No matter what age or gender - it is fascinating. And we often fear such thoughts. To say we love seeing children at play does not suggest we find it sexualised in anyway - but with modern concerns it has become almost offensive to admit such a thing - just crazy. It is part of our inner human instincts to find children sweet and adorable. It is what allows us to ensure that we protect them from harm - from hunters - to instantly care for the young of our community helps protect the community. Society has done great harm in encouraging a distancing of this emotion. Based on what? That a minority are evil. 

This same interest goes to all parts of society. I think when I am on a naturist beach I feel part of a community. I feel a connection. The removal of our clothes removes walls and suddenly we are running with the pack, grazing as a herd, flying as a flock in unison or swimming as a shoal - safety in numbers. I have a want to smile at my neighbours, I feel protective of their children, helpful towards the sick or the old, admiring of the young and healthy, I wish to impart advice to the new and take advice from the experienced. I feel stronger, connected and at one with nature and those around me and feel we should work together to repel anyone threatening our peaceful existence. Chase off the hyenas lurking in the dunes or the wolves prowling with intent on the sea shore.   

It is only natural that my interest and pleasure in being naked with my fellow humans is a symbiotic relationship - I like seeing them in their natural state and want to be seen in my natural state. That is the social purpose. People do not dress, comb their hair, apply their make-up and jewellery to not be seen or appreciated - even those that appear to not care about the rules of how we look - go to great lengths to achieve that lack of care. Everyone wants to exist, even the shy and uncomfortable attract attention through their need to be seen to be hiding. Being seen naked is the ultimate in being seen - as it allows us complete individuality but also allows us complete honesty and no attempt to hide. So we should embrace the joy of seeing each other naked - it is simply the most positive way of seeing and being seen. 

It is impossible to imagine that among those people we see naked that there wouldn't be some we are attracted to. Just as in the dressed world. But like James stewart it is how we react that counts. Leering, pestering and chasing people around the beach like Benny Hill is not going to do us or naturism any favours. But there may be times when it is right to approach someone and make a connection. We must not stop living. Each moment has to be read and judged every minute and we learn from experience and each other. Life is a long learning lesson - and something our children will not get if they are hidden away due to fear and rejected due to society's change of attitude. Society has become a selfish, spoilt, cowardly, brat - and it needs to grow up and get a back bone.  We are responsible - we get the politicians we deserve, we get the communities we create, we get the danger that we have allowed to thrive. 

I have been a naturist mostly as a very happy married man and I can honestly say that not once have  I seen anyone on the beach that I find more attractive than Anna. I have seen bodies that in the rules of what is supposed to be attractive are surely ticking more boxes, just as I have seen male bodies that score higher than mine. But on a purely emotional level no one attracts my attention in that way. An interesting concept where it is the emotional ties that bind - and others are purely admirable by design. And in respect to this I can chat comfortably with the most "perfect" women in the world and it would simply be two naked people talking - aware of our bodies maybe but not reacting to them on an emotional level. Naturism is cool. Now if that same women was stripping in a club, or gracing the centrefold of a magazine - the context would completely change - her nudity would be enticing and should I be interested in going to such a club or buying such a magazine I would no doubt be open to enticement. 

But what about my naturism before I was a happily married man? Well I have a lot less experience but I do remember being more aware of who was attractive and who wasn't. Not that it lead me to approaching anyone. I was never very good at that in dressed situations. I am rather shy.  But I do remember prior to meeting Anna scanning women in every situation - supermarkets, pubs, work etc. I was not someone who worried much about dating but I think you cannot help but keep an eye out for the possible woman of your dreams. So why wouldn't we do that in a naturist situation as well?

As long as we understand that that doesn't give us the right to force ourselves onto others in anyway. Respect is key. 

One last thing here and this is a story from when I was 21 and working in Sydney. I was managing a small book shop and this young man started up a conversation with me at the till point and was obviously attracted to me. Although I have never been interested in having relationships with men I found it flattering and respectfully chatted with him. He returned the next day during his lunch break and I was friendly again but as each day progressed I started feeling more uncomfortable and more pestered. He would follow me around the shop and it was getting a little intense I tried hinting but eventually I had to tell him to stop coming in. Being friendly does not mean you can be pestered and sometimes you need to read the signs. I tried to encourage him to understand I wasn't interested but eventually I had to get a little agressive. 

A couple of years later as a manager of a much bigger store on Oxford street I went out of my way to help a young woman with a sale. She was attractive and seemed really sweet but what I did was purely sales related. I believed that customers should be delighted if possible. She kept revisiting during her lunch break and sometimes we would chat briefly and other times I would not be around and she would ask after me. At that pont in my life I had no girlfriend but I was having grief from work - and had recently been held up at gunpoint - the company was dreadful and I would eventually take them to tribunal and win but that is another story. So although this young woman was very pretty and seemed really nice and to be honest I was a little lonely (I hadn't been in London very long) she was coming by at the wrong time. I felt it was a little embarrassing but also rather flattering and I was working up the courage to believe that I was worth dating. One evening she came in after work and I made out I was dating one of my work colleagues. A fellow manager who had popped in to say hello and who I had no attraction to what so ever. The friend quietly allowed this to happen and asked me what that was all about later. I explained that I wanted to stop this woman pestering me and it worked, but the moment I did it I felt awful. She looked so embarrassed and hurt. I felt like I was a complete heel and in reality I would have jumped at the chance to date her but the timing was wrong. I vowed I would make amends but I never saw her again.  It was a foolish moment acted on out of stress - I just didn't have the ability to say - look I think you are lovely - but I am stressed today - could you come back tomorrow. 

I guess what I am saying is that we have to always respect other people and approach each moment with care and be honest and real to ourselves as well as protective of others. Being attracted to people on a naturist beach is understandable - it is our behaviour that counts everytime. We will people watch, and hopefully we will interact too  but each time we do we have to read the signs and do the right thing to not shame ourselves or hurt others and to not have regrets. 

When I gave Anna  my phone number https://www.anaturistworld.com/member-blog/45442/a-naturist-family-our-history-3-taking-a-chance I had no want to be a pest but I also had no want to face regrets. Thankfully Anna treated my vulnerable situation with good grace. But if she had implied or asked me to back away I would have done so without making her uncomfortable. It is surely no different in naturism - but maybe we need to be a little more careful as we are a little more vulnerable.          

All I can say is this.  Essays like Steve's here are why I became a Life member.

Thank you Steve for that post, wow that helps alot. It sure seems like I am in the same thought of all of you!

Look, don’t stare!

 
 I can certainly understand and appreciate the questioning and uncertaintity that goes hand in hand with the topic ‘Is it ok to look?’, which is very natural and I would say, nothing to get too uptight about.

 I often think that we as naturists even add to this feeling of nervous uncertaintity by often over stating guidance on naturist etiquete and behaviour, which whilst being totally well intentioned, can on occassion come across as a list of strict rules which must be abided by at all times, without question and often without being put into context.

That in itself, can often project a near puritanical attitude on the part of naturists and so result in aumenting a nervousness as to how one should or should not behave. Especially for people new to naturism, this can even lead to people feeling insecure in themselves, maybe even making them in some way feel unworthy or impure.

Where as in my own personal opinion, naturism, apart from the obvious of being naked and enjoying the feeling of freedom and well being, both mentally and physically, should also promote a totally relaxed and stress free ambience, without the need to constantly have to ask oneself ‘am I behaving correctly?’ ‘should I have these thoughts?’ ‘am I abnormal?’ ‘am I allowed to look?’ ‘when am I allowed to look?`’ am I allowed to feel attraction?’ etc, etc.

I have seen in various posts, and probably the best guideline / piece of good advice, and one which I fully agree with, is ‘if you wouldn’t do it in a clothed environment, it’s almost certainly not good behaviour in a nudist environment’.

 
So, if we take that in relation to the question ‘is it ok to look at people when they are naked?’

Whilst obviously, obsesive staring is not good social etiquete and should definitely be avoided, as it only serves to make people feel on edge and uncomfortable.

In my opinion it is totally natural to look at people, to appreciate their beauty, to share in their ‘happiness’ etc.

The human body is a thing of natural beauty, regardless of it’s gender, age, colour, shape and size. Our bodies are who we are, they are our own individual life stories, so quite naturally they are ‘interesting’.
I for one love seeing older people, with their naturally aged bodies, thoroughly enjoying and relaxed in their nakedness. How wonderful that is!

 The ‘art’ or ‘enjoyment’ of ‘people watching’ is something which many, many people find pleasure in, within a clothed environment, so why should that not be the case in a naturist environment?

A classic example would be, the number of people who enjoy simply sitting at a street side bar of cafe, having a drink whist watching people and the ‘world’ go by. Casually observing, even appreciating, peoples individuality, there projected personalities etc.
If this is classed as being socially acceptable in a clothed environment, then likewise it should be so in a naturist environment, be that on the beach, or sat having a leisurely drink etc.

Similarly, it would be quite natural to casually watch a clothed family or children having fun together, be that on the beach, in a park etc, etc ....... and enjoy being witness to their happiness...... so once again the same should idealy be the case, in a naturist situation.
I say idealy, because as mentioned and addressed in several other posts, we all know that we live in a far from ideal world in which we all have to be ever more sensitive to the need for correctness, especially were children are concerned.

As stated previously, the essence being, that people watching should edge more towards the casual and not overly excessive staring.

 

For me personally, it is quite easy to understand peoples worries and concerns regarding ‘acceptable behaviour’ in relation to looking at the naked body.

Quite naturally, these are more pronounced, when people first venture into naturism, go nude for the first time, maybe on the first few times they visit a naturist beach and see other naked people. This is all so very natural and I would even say quite normal. Everything is new and exciting, like the eyes of a child seeing the wonder in everything for the first time. It is totally natural to take in everything around you.

This to some extent, even aplies to people who maybe only visit naturists beaches, say once a year for their holidays.

Where as people who are more constantly immersed in a naturist environment, become far more relaxed and at ease, as they are so used to seeing people naked.

Although that is not to say that even seasoned naturists, don’t enjoy people watching and seeing the beauty in other peoples nakedness. It’s just that they are far more relaxed about it.

It’s like, if a rare bird enters your garden, at first you may look at it intensely and with great interest and amazement. If that bird then returns the next day, you may even look more closely, taking in details you have probably not taken in the first time. Later, if that same bird returns day after day and becomes a regular visitor to your garden, whilst you still see it, whilst you still get joy from it’s presence, you don’t tend to look too closely at it and any instinct to stare gradually deminishes.

 

Also, speaking from the viewpoint of being a single guy. I can also fully apreciate how this can create feelings of unease and quite easily nervousness as to how you are perceived by others. Especially when quite often the majority of people around you will be couples.

Whilst it is quite natural to enjoy looking around you, to take in the beauty of your surroundings, to enjoy seeing others naked, maybe even feel attraction, after all, we are all human, and these similarities are there in both clothed and naturist situations.

Obviously in a clothed environment our more ‘intimate parts’ are not revealed, but that is not to say one is forbiden from appreciating their beauty when they are revealed in a naturist setting.

The human body is after all a beautiful creation, that we should all feel comfortable in, regardless of it’s shape, size, diferences etc, etc .....and that is part of the beauty of naturism, in that it helps promote a healthy attitude towards what is the human body in all its naked glory.

 I remember many times, myself, becomming quite self concious, especially in the early days of my naturist experience......trying to avoid at all costs, verging on staring at people, whilst so wanting to take in, rejoice in their beauty, their relaxed happiness .......respecting that whist some people are more exhibitionists and enjoy being looked at, even promote it by maybe the addition of something which draws attention to their more intimate anatomy....others are not so, and can easily feel uncomfortable at being looked at, certainly for anything more than a casual glance. So respect for others, as in all walks of life, is so important.

There can also be a miss-conception especially if it’s a single guy doing the looking,  intently or should I say with interest at someone’s nakedness, that it is perceived as little more than sexual attraction.

This, whilst on occassion may have some truth in it ,,,,,again like I have said, we are all only human ....... and in an ideal world, we could / should all, probably be more accepting of this, and so more at ease with it (please, please don’t confuse what I am saying about an adoring look, with anything relating to suggesting or making sexual inuendos.....which are so obviously taboo) ......

This shouldn’t be confused with an interested, appreciative look in the eye’s of adoring the beauty of the human form, independant of a persons gender.

I for one, very much enjoy art, especially photography, drawing and painting....so when on occassion, just maybe I have been percieved as looking maybe a little too intently at someone....I’m actually quite probably looking more from an artistic viewpoint, and an appreciation of a persons naked beauty, even trying to capture in my mind the essence of that person as radiated through their nude form.

Obviously, in saying that, I am constantly in reminder to myself and very concious of the fine-line that is not causing any feeling of discomfort and of not over stepping what is respectful and socially correct behaviour.

How many times over  the years, I’ve had the thought ‘I hope that guy doesn’t think I’m trying to come-on to his wife, partner’ etc.

Well, that’s just a bit of a personal take, or viewpoint as to some of the insecurities and self concious preocupations that single guys can sometimes experience, when in a naturist environment

 

Obviously, what would be and is far better, than simply ‘looking’ or ‘watching’ ..... is the sharing of a pleasant, friendly smile, even the exchange of a few pleasantries, the striking up of a conversation....... all of which help promote a healthy, relaxed environment and help put people at ease.

Which may even in turn, result in new found aquaitances and friendships.

All of which help to ferment a greater understanding and appreciation of the naturist lifestyle. As everyone is different, with varying viewpoints, opinions and experiences, so there is always something new to learn and have a deeper appreciation of.

 

Moving on to the ‘guideline or advice’ often stated, that one should only look at a persons face when they are naked. Once again, I feel this very much has to be taken in context.

If for instance, you where in a clothed environment, you wouldn’t constantly look at the face of the person who’s company you are in. Yes, when you are talking to them, or they talking to you, that is good social etiquete and expresses interest both in the person and what is being said, but at other times it is totally natural that your eyes will take in your surroundings, including the body and clothes etc of the people you are with, and those around you. So the same should be equally quite natural in a naturist situation, without the need for nervousness or any feelings of guilt.

In fact, constantly staring at a persons face, could even be said to verge on being intimidating, possibly making somone feel uncomfortable and certainly far from natural behaviour.

 The same could well be said about direct eye contact. It has to be taken in context of the situation, the moment.

Nothing is more beautiful and intense than the connection made by eye contact, looking into someones eyes, helps created trust, and many other feelings, emotions etc......regardless of wether the people are naked or clothed.

 

What however must be remebered and considered at all times, is that the people being looked at, are all there to relax, be happy and enjoy themselves. They should never have their time and enjoyment spoilt by being made to feel uncomfortable or even harrassed.

 

So, in essence, I would say the best way to behave in any social situation, is to just be natural, be relaxed, be yourself, be friendly and open, ....... and in that way, hopefully we will all feel ever more comfortable in our nakedness and accepting of our bodies in all their natural beauty.